person: [about to shoot me]
me: wait wait hold on a sec
person: NO I’M GONNA KILL YOU
me: I KNOW BRUH ok just hold on [grabs phone] just gimme one sec okay okay okay [looks through music, presses play]
person: is this…. mmm whatcha say?
me: shoot me now. i’m ready. i’m at peace.
(via thebootydiaries)
*walks into starbucks* lemme get uh spaghetti bolognese macchiato
“sir we don’t serve that”
don’t bullshit me i saw the secret menu on instagram
(via thebootydiaries)
someone: heres a mild criticism on something that u like
me: oh so u want me to die then
(via thebootydiaries)
yall ever sleep from 1700-2200 and call it a nap bc
At first I thought this was the fucking years 1700-2200 and it was still a fucking mood
(via mysteriesofyesterday)
drink some water you beautiful and capable but dehydrated bitch
Like, this is Loki
And this is Tom. They have different colored hair.
This is Castiel
And this is Misha. They wear different clothes.
This is Tony Stark
And this is Robert Downey Jr. They have different names.
Simple
Actually, don’t forget that Tony Stark is about half a foot taller. RDJ is a tiny tiny man and it’s hilarious.
This is Tony Stark
And this is Robert Downey Jr.
never clicked the reblog button as fast as this.
(via smollmarshmallorolltrash)
Me when I was little: when I grow up im gonna have lots of friends and ill love them all lots!!!
Me now: *sees best friend* who the FUCK put this disgusting radish in my line of sight i am going to f i g h t
(via thebootydiaries)